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Of course we are all dumbfounded as to what could possibly posses an adult to open fire on innocent children as they are anxiously ending their school day and leaving or home.  This is exactly what happened on February 23rd at 3:15pm at Deer Creek Middle school in Littleton Colorado, the same city where Columbine High School was the focus of international attention eleven years ago.

I am writing this post today to say a heartfelt THANK YOU! to Dr. David Benke, the math teacher HERO that tackled and subdued the gunman as he attempted to reload his high powered rifle.

“Math teacher Dr. David Benke tackled and disarmed the gunman, and then helped subdue him until police arrived moments later.

Steve Potter, a Deer Creek bus driver, witnessed Benke’s heroics.

“Dr. Benke was out there at the time the school was being let out. It looked to me like he heard the shot and decided to react accordingly,” Steve Potter told FOX31 News. “There was a little bit of a wresting match for about 5 seconds or so,” before Benke had disarmed the gunman, Potter said.”

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My boys go to an Elementary School less than 2 miles from Deer Creek Middle School, so this story hit very close to home for me and my kids.  We moved to Littleton just over a year ago from Bailey Colorado, where less than 5 years ago Platte Canyon High School lost a precious young student in a senseless act of an adult terrorizing kids.

For very good reasons our children are scared, in fact I can see how it would be very difficult to trust any adult stranger.  But I believe their is an opportunity in this recent tragic event, where thankfully no lives were lost thanks to the heroics of Dr. Benke, in that teachers, school staff, parents and kids can work together to help ensure one another’s safety.

This is an opportunity to share with kids the extreme importance in developing strong character and emotional intelligence.  To build a sense of compassion for others and to care about the wellbeing of their fellow student.   To let others know “I’ve got your back” instills a sense of security in their knowing that others care about them.

After an incident like this, is the time when our kids need us the most, to reassure them they are safe and loved, and to let them know that they also need to stick up for and watch out for each other.

So, thank you again Dr. Benke for letting our kids know that You’ve Got Their Back:)

Researchers spend a lot of time debating whether any altruistic act is ever truly selfless because we benefit so much when we are kind to others. I think of kindness like laughter: we might be laughing because we want someone else to feel good about their joke, but mostly we laugh because it feels good. Like laughter, kindness is a terrific happiness habit, good for both our physical and emotional well-being.

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In this wonderful article Dr. Christine Carter PhD. , Director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley talks about devloping habits that foster happiness and that giving to others is one of those habits that will provide benefits that seem almost to good to be true. BUT ITS TRUE!!

The very best way to instill the habit of giving to others in our children is for them to see US giving to others.  Now this does not mean we have to empty our pockets to everyone we see.  In fact helping or giving to others does not have to be about money.  Giving someone a smile when they look like they could use one is a great way to give.  You and your kids will get many smiles in return.

The mountains of research that now exists to prove beyond a doubt that giving to others or helping others feel good will make us feel better, both physically and emotionally, is wonderful but we don’t really need the research to tell us this.

Most of us already know how great we feel inside when we have helped or given to someone in need.   I think it is also important to note that the opposite is also true in that when we take from others or intentionally make others feel bad we are hurting ourselves far deeper than we might think.  It is not possible to be truly happy inside when we know our actions have hurt someone else.

I don’t know if the science is out yet on that yet, but it just makes sense that “we reap what we sow”.

An Exercise in Happiness, and the soon to be available Attracting Happiness, are “happiness habits” tool kits to help instill the habits that promote character growth and happiness.

I tend to save the best until last and the 8th Activity in The Ultimate Kid’s Guide to Happiness is no exception.

Science has proven the psychological and physiological benefits to laughter and playfulness.  It is with this exercise I simply encourage you to take part in goofy play and laughter with your child as much as possible, and encourage them to do the same with their friends and siblings.

Sit back and reach into your memories of childhood for a moment.

Can you recall in your mind’s eye when you were engaged in joyful play?

This was serious stuff!

You were determined to play your heart out, and you did. You laughed really hard at super silly things, rolled around on the grass, chased your friends around the playground and you made up imaginary stories and acted them out with the seriousness of a Broadway actor.

Play is the WORK of a child and the more they get the opportunity to be fully engaged in uninterrupted play, the happier and successful they will be throughout the rest of their lives.

It is in play that children learn

• to play fairly and productively work with others,
• to be creative thinkers
• about leadership and coaching
• how to be coachable (conflict resolution)
• to build and maintain relationships that can enhance their lives forever.

Laughter is a full body work-out and it is so much fun!

Can you remember laughing so hard it made your stomach muscles ache?

Can you think of things that are so funny that you can’t help but start laughing?

Have you ever experienced laughing so much you actually forget what made you start laughing in the first place?

Laughter is such a joyful activity and the physical and emotional benefits are enormous. In fact laughter has been shown in studies to strengthen our immune system.

Sometimes as grown ups it does us a world of good to just let go of being a grown up and giggle, be silly and involve ourselves in imaginary play, and doing so with our kids strengthens the attachment and our relationship with them.

It also teaches our kids that it is okay to be a kid, even when you’re an adult.

Take the time every day to find something to laugh about with your children and you will see and feel the benefits, without any doubt!

After a tough day, to laugh and play makes all our grown up problems disappear.

Patrick

Even if your kids aren’t much into winter sports, or any sports for that matter, to watch the Olympics with your kids is an opportunity for them to see others who are giving it everything they’ve got to live their dream.

These events are also an opportunity for me as a parent to recognize the role these Olympic athlete’s parents play in supporting their children by doing whatever it takes to help their children realize their dreams.

This is not to say that our kids should strive to become Olympic athletes, but to simply let our kids know we are there to support them in whatever they choose to pursue with passion.  It is our job to help them recognize the activivities they put them in a state of “flow” or “in the zone” when they are engaged in that activity, and encourage them to enjoy it as often as possible, and as often as they wish.

If we can help our kids set expectations for themselves rather than thinking they need to live up to our expectations of them they will be more likely to find what it is that ignites their flame of passion and purpose.

Setting goals and visualizing living life to its fullest is not only an enjoyable activity but it sets into motion the creative process.

An Exercise in Happiness is a tool to help kids put these techniques into action

Learning how to apologize is a vital skill for healthy emotional development and for successful relationships.  There will inevitably be hurts, wrongdoings, and misunderstandings in any relationship involving two people.  The hurts are to be expected because humans by nature are imperfect. The hurts in and of themselves don’t necessarily determine whether or not a relationship is harmed in a significant way, but how those hurts are dealt with (or not) and repaired (or not) influences the success of the relationship.

Most of us want our children to learn how to apologize effectively.  But when and how we should expect our children to apologize isn’t always clear.  For a better understanding of this, I first turn to what constitutes a proper apology.  Last year my book club read The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.  My favorite part of that book was where Pausch described the three parts of a good apology.  In fact, I liked this part so much that I made sure everyone in my family read those two pages of the book!

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In this enlightening article Dr. Kathleen Cuneo, PhD. talks about the importance of learning to apologize and how modeling the ability to apologize with meaning to our child will enable them to do the same giving them social and emotional tools that will provide many benefits that will last a lifetime.

As a father of two young boys it is important to me that when I mess up, I recognize it, I apologize with heartfelt feeling and make up for my mistake in some way.  By showing my children that I take responsibility for my behavior, they learn to do the same.

The same holds true for the ability to forgive and be grateful.  When one of my boys apologizes for their behavior, I am always willing to forgive them.  I also let them know that if I seem upset or disappointed, it is their behavior, not themselves that got me upset. Having the ability to forgive allows us to maintain meaningful relationships and releases emotional stress, which we all know has huge physical benefits.

I am truly grateful when my kids bring there dishes to the kitchen after meals or when they straighten up their room when I ask them, and I always let them know how grateful I am.

An Exercise in Happiness is a tool I have used at home with my kids for a long time and it has helped both myself and my kids devlop the ability to apologize with meaning, forgive with empathy and to be grateful for everything and everyone we have in our life.

I just wanted to point out that Monday, February 15th is Family Day in Canada.  This is a National Holiday in Canada and frankly I am suprised America has not followed Canada’s lead in making a special day to celebrate the FAMILY!

But do we really need the Federal Government to tell us to take a day to devote to acknowledging our family and making a day of it?  Of course we can pick a day out of the year and call it Family Day and even make it an annual family tradition.  Though it would be nice if everyone had the day off work and schools were closed for the day.  I believe that honoring the family is equally, if not even more important that devoting only one day to focus on Gratitude.  Every day should be a day to be grateful, and every day should be a day to honor our family.

In our family we celebrate Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Brother’s Day (we have two sons) and of course all the other National Holiday’s, but Canada has given me the inspiration to create Family day too.

Character Education begins at home so to focus on family for a day is a character building tool every family can take advantage of.

Activity 7 in The Ultimate Kid’s Guide to Happiness:

Our imagination is so much more powerful than we can possibly imagine and we can use it as a tool to help us live the extraordinary life we truly want to live.

The 7th Activity in The Ultimate Kid’s Guide to Happiness introduces kids to Creative Visualization, or in clinical terms, Mental Imagery which has been used by some of the most successful people throughout history. continue to read »

Activity 6 in The Ultimate Kid’s Guide to Happiness is all about getting your kids to start thinking about things they would like to accomplish and writing those goals down.

Research shows that only a very small percentage of the population actually write down their goals, and studies also prove we are 50% more likely to achieve our goals by writing them down and we are 200% more likely to accomplish our goals if we review them on a regular basis. continue to read »

5 Tips to get your kids to do what you want them to without manipulation, bribery or threats.  It’s a lot easier and more fun than you might think.

By: Patrick McMillan continue to read »