Valuing Ourselves and Our Happiness

When it comes to being happy, a major factor is how much we value ourselves. If we don’t, we’re unlikely to take care of ourselves, have self-belief, or feel joyful about life. When we don’t value ourselves we may let others treat us in a way which isn’t okay for us, we don’t follow our aspirations and we find it hard to self-motivate because if we feel useless, we feel there’s no point in trying.

Children often value themselves by default. A child’s brain is very self-focussed, and thinks a lot about what it needs and how to get it. Of course, as a child grows up, this attitude needs to adjust a little, so as to not become selfish and manipulative in nature. But unfortunately many children lose this sense of self-valuing altogether.  This inevitably leads to unhappiness and their dreams and ambitions end up getting put aside.

Negative Connotations

The idea of loving ourselves has been linked with some negative connotations. Many people will say that if you love yourself that means you have a big ego and that you’re self-absorbed. It’s true that there are many people who have big egos, but this behaviour doesn’t come from self-love. It’s more likely to come from some fear of not being good enough, or feelings of always having to be the best.

Self-love in fact looks very different. A person who values themselves will often be open, kind, calm and very centred. They have nothing to prove. They have no need to be ‘better’ than anyone else, because they’re perfectly happy with who they are.

Be It. Teach It.

It’s vital that we as adults unlearn this belief that self-love means something bad, so that we can effectively teach our children how to honour themselves too.

The best ways to teach your child how to value themselves is to:

• Value them yourself.
• Value yourself and teach by example.
• Be open and honest in communicating feelings and ideas.
• Talk about how different we all are, and how we all have our own unique gifts to bring to the world.
• Talk about how valuing yourself comes from the inside, not from ‘winning’ or ‘being the best’ on the outside.

What Does Valuing Yourself Look Like In Practice?

Self-Respect

When we start to value ourselves we naturally become less tolerant of certain behaviours from other people.

For example, someone who does not value themselves is likely to allow others to take them for granted, manipulate them, speak to them unkindly or aggressively, and in extreme cases allow emotional, even physical abuse. Without any sense of self respect, this damaging behaviour from others is often rationalised somehow; the person believes they deserve the bad treatment.

Lack of self-respect can lead to lack of boundaries, often resulting in the person being coerced into doing things they don’t really want to do.

Another symptom of lacking self-respect is that it can spill over into a lack of respect for others too. Overall, this deficit can prove disastrous.

It’s essential for our children to learn how to listen to their feelings, so that they can judge what feels okay and what does not.  It’s not about letting your child become bratty or diva-like, it’s about helping them learn who they are, and feeling centred enough in that knowing so that they don’t get pushed around and influenced by people who might not have their best intentions at heart.

When we respect ourselves, we also have a more realistic idea of what we’re capable of. We’re more likely to push ourselves toward achieving our dreams, and less likely to bully ourselves into thinking we’re not good enough.

Self-Acceptance

Valuing ourselves means accepting ourselves just as we are. Even if we have problems, negative habits, things we need to work on, etc., being accepting of the fact that we’re not perfect, and that that’s okay, will allow us to heal quicker. It also means we accept the good things about ourselves too.

When we feel at peace with the entirety of who we are, we are happier, more confident, and more free.

Accept Failure and Mistakes

Have you ever met someone who just couldn’t admit when they were wrong? Some of us are so scared of making mistakes we’ll go so far as to lie about it when we do. Others are so scared of failure that they give up trying altogether.

Part of teaching a child to value themselves is teaching them that we all get things wrong sometimes, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. Learning to accept that making mistakes is a natural part of life we all have to go through, rather than being something to avoid at all costs, will enable your child to keep trying, to not give up on themselves, to feel at peace with themselves, and with others too.

Self-Love

Ultimately, valuing ourselves means loving ourselves, just as we love another person. We often show more love and care to others than we do ourselves. But when we love ourselves we need less reassurance from others all the time, because we already know that we’re okay.

—-

Tina Perry is a freelance writer and researcher from London with a special interest in education. Her experience has given her the opportunity to work with a wide range of clients from providing informational booklets for alcohol abuse treatment programs to promotional materials for the latest educational aid.

-

Online Teaching Degrees

Find a teaching degree program that fits your needs. Online certifications available.

PhD in Education

There are tons of advantages when it comes to getting your doctorate in education. This degree brings the greatest possible employment opportunities.  Learn ways to get started today.

Crack a smile, go ahead, no one is looking… And if your kids are looking, they will likely smile too!

Our smile is our body’s natural expression of our happiness to the world around us.  A smile is an indicator of our level of satisfaction with life at this exact moment.

The more we smile, the more satisfying life really is.

Have you ever experienced something truly wonderful like falling in love or holding a sleeping baby?  Have you ever watched a child experience something new and exciting for the first time and watched their eyes light up and their unstoppable smile?  Have YOU ever experienced something new and exciting for the first time and felt YOUR eyes light up and YOUR unstoppable smile?

But, have you ever just smiled for NO REASON?

The SMILE Experiment

Where you are right now, just start smiling.  As you read this, crack a smile.  Yes, it is seemingly for no reason at all, and right now the reason to smile is simply to smile.  I know it sounds almost silly, but if you will work with me on this you will see how you can use a smile to shift the course of your day.  In fact, you can use a smile to shift the course of someone else’s day too, and yes, even your kids.

At first it will feel like an unauthentic smile, but stick with it and keep smiling at you.

Pretend you are having a photograph taken and it’s the one you want others to see.

Now, Add Some Thoughts

As you are smiling at your reflection, start to think about the reasons you have to be grateful in your life right now.

Direct your thoughts toward people in your life with whom you have a relationship you cherish deeply.

Direct your thoughts toward all you have in your life for which to be grateful and how happy you are to have the opportunity to experience life and how happy you are for this moment in time.

Okay, experiment is over.  How do you FEEL?

You may be feeling energized and generally happier inside, or you may even be gushing with joy and filled with inspiration to change the world.

Either way you are likely feeling happier, and that is the point.

Our own smile can have a very powerful effect on us, and the effect it has on others is truly amazing, especially our children.

Our Happiness Brings True Joy to Our Children.

One of the greatest keys to raising happy children is to be a model of happiness.

The next time you look at your child, without words, give them a true smile.

You will instantly see an authentic smile on their face.

Watch how your day and theirs unfolds when you can start your day with a smile.

Share with your kids your reasons to smile and have them share their reasons to smile with you.

Yes it is true there are bountiful reasons to be unhappy and many reasons to frown, and we certainly don’t have to look hard to find them.  In fact for many people unhappiness is just a way of life and for so many kids unhappiness is the norm and happiness occurs on rare occasions.

However, the happiness of our children is worth the small effort it takes to shift the focus of our thoughts to those that make us smile, and doing so models for our children that they too can find the reasons inside to smile too.

Everyone deserves to smile more often and the reasons to smile take only some directed thought.

Smile for NO REASON then add some thoughts of reasons to smile…

Our world will benefit when we all can feel more often…

The POWER OF A SMILE

Just a reminder – The Happier Kids Now On-Line Expo for Parents and Teachers is really heating up with an incredible line-up of expert guest speakers to interview.

This will be the most comprehensive and content rich interview series to help parents and teachers raise happy, confident and resilient kids and teens of 2010.

Sign up for this amazing FREE event here, and share this with every parent and teacher you know.

They WILL thank you for it!

Thinking happy thoughts at will is a skill that we can learn and teach our children, and certainly one we should teach them, after all happiness is what every parent wishes for their child right?.  But how do we instill habits of happy thinking in ourselves and our kids?

First, it helps to understand what factors determine our happiness or satisfaction with life in general.

According to Sonja Lubromirski PhD. author of The How of Happiness, there are three main factors that influence our happiness:

• Genetics
• Environment
• Voluntary Choice

How happy our parents, and their parents were determines a big part of how happy WE are.  In fact research shows that genetics accounts for almost half of our current level of life satisfaction, around 40-50%.

If your grandparent was more prone to optimistic thinking, that trait becomes somewhat imprinted on your genetic code.  However, more recent groundbreaking research is finding that the programming of the sub-conscious mind plays a much larger role in our mental and physical development and this programming begins BEFORE conception.

Surprisingly, our environment plays a much smaller part than you might imagine.  Roughly only 10% of our happiness is influenced by what happens around us and those things that occur out of our control like other people, the economy, the weather etc.  Our happiness actually depends how we react to “what happens” rather than the actual event, and how we react is based very much on our sub-conscious beliefs and programming we picked up from observing our parents and how they reacted to events and interactions with others.

The best part is that the remaining 40-50% happens to be our own voluntary CHOICE to BE happy.  This determining factor in our level of happiness is one that we ultimately have complete and total control over.  This is the best, yet most challenging part for many people because many of us are not entirely aware of what REALLY makes us happy.  In addition to not knowing what truly makes us happy, we may also have to challenge previously held sub-conscious beliefs that can limit our ability to consciously choose happiness.  Beliefs and pre-programmed sub-conscious behaviors that we learned from our parents and teachers.

In fact, many of the beliefs we hold in our sub-conscious mind that dictate much of how our life unfolds were developed before we turned six years old, and most were instilled by our parents and teachers.  Some beliefs can be very limiting and hold us back from realizing our true potential for happiness and finding our purpose in life, however these beliefs can be identified and be replaced with more self-fulfilling and positive beliefs.

Then we can get down the process of truly creating the kind of happy life we want and deserve by using proven tools and techniques that WILL increase our level of satisfaction with life and open the doors of possibility.  We really can believe we deserve to lead a happy life.

Now, this is not to say that unhappiness will cease forever, because that is not only impossible, but also unhealthy to believe.  Humans are at the top of the food chain, or at least very near the top, because of our incredible conscious and sub-conscious mind and our ability to feel and react to the wide range of emotions we feel.

However, scientific research has shown some remarkable benefits to being happier:

• longer life
• Less Illness
• Longer and happier relationships
• Greater academic achievement
• Greater career and financial success

If you could choose to be happier, which by the way YOU CAN, and you had the tools to make it happen and the belief you could use these tools to live an abundantly happy life, would you?

If you knew that by using techniques proven to increase your own happiness, you are at the same time providing these tools to your children and that you are instilling the beliefs they can be anything, do anything and have the life they want and deserve, would you use them?

In October, 2010, a first ever, FREE  On-line Expo is taking place that will change the lives of millions of parents, teachers and children around the world.  This event will provide tools and life changing information to parents and teachers to help teach their children how to live the outstanding life they deserve.

HAPPIER KIDS NOW!

Featuring live interviews with 21 of the worlds leading experts in childhood development, parenting and education Happier Kids Now is an event that every parent and teacher will not want to miss.

Visit Happier Kids Now to receive  V.I.P Sign-Up  Notification, important dates/times and call in details, and for an up to date list of guest expert speakers.

Sunday, April 18th at 8:30 am (EST), ya, so thats 6:30 am my time here in Denver, I will be a guest on the morning drive show on CKLW AM 800 Detroit/Windsor to talk about Kids Can Do Anything, An Exercise in Happiness and the upcoming Happier Kids Now! event slated for October 2010.

So, if you are in the Detroit/Windsor Ontario area on Sunday April 18th, please tune into AM 800 CKLW (the 5000 watt Monster) at 8:30 am.

Pressure on students and teachers continues to intensify, while resources are drying up and traditional educational methods are failing. Our kids are paying a terrible price, not only in academic achievement but in emotional health. Stress related health problems, youth violence, drug abuse and depression are rising at alarming rates and will continue rise unless serious action is taken, NOW!

The urgency to help our children has reached a critical level. Though children represent only a part of the population, they represent 100% of our future and to see they are given tools to navigate through life with optimism and self-confidence is our job, their parents and teachers, and certainly one we must take seriously.

As a parent of two young people I see first hand the stress they and their peers are under at school and being very involved at their school and I can see, and feel the pressure their teachers are under as well.

Millions of adults across America, and across the globe for that matter are feeling more stress than ever before in our lifetimes and the reasons for these increasing stress levels are obvious.

You can turn on the local or national news and be inundated with pessimism, uncertainty and sadness which can’t help but make matters even worse.

According to Harvard Medical School, the rate of clinical diagnosis of depression in children has been increasing by 23% per year, and that onset ages continue to decrease.

It seems every day we are reminded of how bad things are and this is clearly effecting our children.  However, at the same time ground breaking studies are confirming that we can empower our kids to weather this storm and grow from these experiences, and that we can actually instill emotional habits in our kids that will buffer them against anxiety and depression.

The Time is NOW!

Our kids are in the midst of developing beliefs about themselves, their ability to succeed, other people, money, relationships and of course their future.  We did the same thing, in fact most of the self-limiting beliefs that hold back so many adults from living the life they really want were developed before six years old.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were somewhere a parent or teacher can go to get information on the latest research and learn powerful techniques to empower themselves and their kids to live a full and happy life?

Well, Now There Is… and its happening in October 2010

Happier Kids NOW!

Happier Kids Now will provide you with tools to help your children and teens:

• Reduce stress and anxiety
• Improve concentration and academic performance
• Understand the brain science linking emotions, thoughts and behaviors
• Manage emotions and behavior more effectively
• Develop greater empathy for others and the world
• Be more optimistic and happy

Visit HappierKidsNow.com and register to receive V.I.P notification of dates, times, access information and up to date additions of Expert Guest Speakers, in addition to special FREE gifts and offers:)

Being in alignment with your desires and goals from the inside out will help you to achieve whatever it is you want in life. But, the problem is that most people do the opposite. They have a conscious desire to either find a relationship, get out of debt, lose weight, heal from heartache or whatever the case may be. But their inner beliefs are what stop them from getting what they desire.

Read this entire post

I just love getting Susan Russo’s blog postings in my email inbox because she knows exactly what she is talking about.  Susan’s message is so powerfully important for every parent and teacher to understand because you will be a model of inspiration to your children.

Having your thoughts, emotions and beliefs in alignment with what it is you desire is precisely how to use the incredible power of thought and emotional energy to live into your deepest desires.

Teaching your children about this powerful information will change the direction of their life.

Using An Exercise in Happiness is a hands on way to teach these lessons to your kids and for them to actually put the lessons into action developing habits of happiness that will keep them in alignment with their deepest dreams and desires.  They will learn  to set and achieve their goals without fear or self-doubt.

Character education and social/emotional learning involves understanding how to better our control our own emotions and to read and react positively to the emotions of others.  Learning how and why something works the way it does gives us greater control over it and how our mind and thought energy works uses the same logic. Giving our kids tools to learn about the power they already have, and to put it to use their life will not only effect the rest of their lives, but impact the world in such a positive way.

“I read in today’s paper that a Columbia University study spent ten-years rating the health impact of happiness on more that 1,700 people. The researchers concluded that happy people are more likely to have less heart disease than grumpy people. So this suggested consulting wikiHow to find some of the causes happiness, which is the subject of today’s post.”

Read this full article

This is another well written article about how people can, if they choose, reap the benefits of maintaining a happy and optimistic outlook on life.  Almost every published article I have read about happiness carries the same message, which to many people may sound like self-help.  But this goes beyond your everyday self-help stuff.  The author of this article clearly has done their homework on the science of happiness, and the research he refers to is real and available to anyone who chooses to find it.  You will find several links on the Kids Can Do Anything website to this research.

I have read thousands of pages of literature and listened to hours of lectures and seminars from some of the top scholars on the planet in the field of Positive Psychology, Emotional Development, Personal Growth, Quantum Physics and Neuroscience and the scientific evidence is overwhelming that not only can we choose to experience more happiness in our daily lives than unhappiness, but it is actually a lot easier than you might think.  Replacing any habit can be challenging, and changing the habits we have in terms of how we think also poses a great challenge to many people because of years and years of the same pattern of negative thinking.  But the really good news is that the human brain is built for change.  We can, if we choose, change our way of thinking to a more productive and positive way of thinking in 30 days or less of consciously doing what it takes. This article has simple techniques anyone can start using today to begin the process of living a happier life.

Instilling positive thinking, and acting, habits in our children is crucial to their future happiness and successes in all aspects of their lives, not to mention they will be healthier too.

An Exercise in Happiness is a tool for children to use that will help instill these habits.  My children and I have been doing An Exercise in Happiness for a lot longer than 30 days, and the results I see and feel in myself and my kids is truly wonderful.  We FEEL great, and grateful together everyday for the once in a lifetime opportunity to have a lifetime, and to live it to it absolute fullest every moment of every day.

Living life “in the moment” seems to make time slow down.  Another wonderful benefit of BEING HAPPY NOW!

When we changed our beliefs that being successful at something, be it sports, academics or whatever, will lead to our being happier, to being happier will lead to those successes,  everything changed.

Being happy now became our daily priority and everything else has effortlessly followed.

Both boys had their best report cards ever this past semester, and they both noticed how easy it was when their focus was on feeling good in order to do well, and that is exactly what happened.

UPCOMING SPECIAL EVENTS:

I will be a guest on two different radio shows next week (March 8th and March 11th) where I will go into detail about An Exercise in Happiness.  Both shows are available to listen to on-line.

I will post a blog with the time and links to the shows so plase check back, or follow me on twitter, join the Kids Can Do Anything Group on Facebook, or become a friend on Facebook.

Thanks for reading:)

Of course we are all dumbfounded as to what could possibly posses an adult to open fire on innocent children as they are anxiously ending their school day and leaving or home.  This is exactly what happened on February 23rd at 3:15pm at Deer Creek Middle school in Littleton Colorado, the same city where Columbine High School was the focus of international attention eleven years ago.

I am writing this post today to say a heartfelt THANK YOU! to Dr. David Benke, the math teacher HERO that tackled and subdued the gunman as he attempted to reload his high powered rifle.

“Math teacher Dr. David Benke tackled and disarmed the gunman, and then helped subdue him until police arrived moments later.

Steve Potter, a Deer Creek bus driver, witnessed Benke’s heroics.

“Dr. Benke was out there at the time the school was being let out. It looked to me like he heard the shot and decided to react accordingly,” Steve Potter told FOX31 News. “There was a little bit of a wresting match for about 5 seconds or so,” before Benke had disarmed the gunman, Potter said.”

Read the full story

My boys go to an Elementary School less than 2 miles from Deer Creek Middle School, so this story hit very close to home for me and my kids.  We moved to Littleton just over a year ago from Bailey Colorado, where less than 5 years ago Platte Canyon High School lost a precious young student in a senseless act of an adult terrorizing kids.

For very good reasons our children are scared, in fact I can see how it would be very difficult to trust any adult stranger.  But I believe their is an opportunity in this recent tragic event, where thankfully no lives were lost thanks to the heroics of Dr. Benke, in that teachers, school staff, parents and kids can work together to help ensure one another’s safety.

This is an opportunity to share with kids the extreme importance in developing strong character and emotional intelligence.  To build a sense of compassion for others and to care about the wellbeing of their fellow student.   To let others know “I’ve got your back” instills a sense of security in their knowing that others care about them.

After an incident like this, is the time when our kids need us the most, to reassure them they are safe and loved, and to let them know that they also need to stick up for and watch out for each other.

So, thank you again Dr. Benke for letting our kids know that You’ve Got Their Back:)

Researchers spend a lot of time debating whether any altruistic act is ever truly selfless because we benefit so much when we are kind to others. I think of kindness like laughter: we might be laughing because we want someone else to feel good about their joke, but mostly we laugh because it feels good. Like laughter, kindness is a terrific happiness habit, good for both our physical and emotional well-being.

Read the full article

In this wonderful article Dr. Christine Carter PhD. , Director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley talks about devloping habits that foster happiness and that giving to others is one of those habits that will provide benefits that seem almost to good to be true. BUT ITS TRUE!!

The very best way to instill the habit of giving to others in our children is for them to see US giving to others.  Now this does not mean we have to empty our pockets to everyone we see.  In fact helping or giving to others does not have to be about money.  Giving someone a smile when they look like they could use one is a great way to give.  You and your kids will get many smiles in return.

The mountains of research that now exists to prove beyond a doubt that giving to others or helping others feel good will make us feel better, both physically and emotionally, is wonderful but we don’t really need the research to tell us this.

Most of us already know how great we feel inside when we have helped or given to someone in need.   I think it is also important to note that the opposite is also true in that when we take from others or intentionally make others feel bad we are hurting ourselves far deeper than we might think.  It is not possible to be truly happy inside when we know our actions have hurt someone else.

I don’t know if the science is out yet on that yet, but it just makes sense that “we reap what we sow”.

An Exercise in Happiness, and the soon to be available Attracting Happiness, are “happiness habits” tool kits to help instill the habits that promote character growth and happiness.