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5 Tips to get your kids to do what you want them to without manipulation, bribery or threats.  It’s a lot easier and more fun than you might think.

By: Patrick McMillan

Whether it’s getting our kids out of bed and ready for school or getting them to do homework after school, brush their teeth or clean up their room, getting our kids to do the things we want them to can be a daily struggle that can lead to screaming matches and huge amounts of frustration for many parents, and their kids.  This is no way to start or end a productive and enjoyable day and in fact can keep the life we really want to have out of our reach.  But there are techniques you can use, and I use them daily, that will eliminate, or at least dramatically lesson the struggle to get your kids to do exactly what you want them to, and the best part is that it doesn’t involve having to bribe them, manipulate them or to get angry and use threats.  The benefits of using these simple activities with your kids can alter the path of their lives, and yours.  Using these tips at home every day has increase the level of happiness in my house as I imagined it would.  My two young boys have developed the ability to quickly resolve the inevitable issues that brothers will face, they have developed a connection that enables them to work together as a team, and they have a lot of fun being around one another and we are all so much happier.

I will share a few techniques with you in this article I use every day that will not only get your kids to do what you want them too, but will also greatly increase your connection to them and instill habits that will help them be, do and have the things in their own life that they really want. Continue reading

“First of all, what is emotional intelligence? I bet you’ve read some fancy definitions, and maybe even some of the academic articles trying to distinguish between emotions, feelings and moods. Part of emotional intelligence is what we could call “common sense.” So, some common sense definitions of emotional intelligence (EQ) would be understanding your emotions and those of others, being able to sense what’s going on, being able to manage your own emotional state (taking the information but not getting drowned in it), good reality-testing, and good communication skills.

Emotions give us information but don’t need to be acted upon without thought. For instance, anger is good for telling us what we want but not for getting it.

Emotions aren’t “better” than thinking. Emotional intelligence is about the interface between the two. Good judgment and maturity require a balance between the two, i.e., you might feel like hitting someone, but if you stop and think, you’ll realize it won’t get you what you want, and also might land you in jail.”

Read the full article.

Emotional intelligence is the key not only to happiness and satisfaction with life, but the key to our health as well.  It makes perfect common sense that in order to have any control over how to react to life’s circumstances and adversities in a positive and productive way would be to have control over our ability to recognize and change our cognitive thinking, which in turn changes emotions.  This can only be achieved in the same way we learn to master anything, through knowledge, action, desire and determination.

Daniel Goleman, author of the classic book Emotional Intelligence says “The first opportunity for shaping the ingredients for emotional intelligence is in the earliest years, though these capacities continue to form throughout the school years.  The emotional abilities children acquire later in life build on those of the earliest years”

“A report from the National Center for Clinical Infant Programs makes the point that school success is not predicted by a child’s fund of facts or precocious ability to read so much as by emotional and social measures: being self-assured and interested; knowing what kind of behavior is expected and how to rein in the impulse to misbehave; being able to wait, to follow directions, and to turn to teachers for help; and expressing needs while getting along with other children.”  The report goes in to say “almost all students who door poorly in school lack one or more of these elements of emotional intelligence (regardless of whether they also have cognitive difficulties such as learning disabilities) and in some states close to one in five children have to repeat first grade, and then as years go on fall farther behind their peers, becoming increasingly discouraged, resentful and disruptive.”

A lack of emotional intelligence in childhood can have very disruptive effects in adult life as well in terms of relationships, career and parenting.  By providing children with character education and opportunities for social and emotional learning at the elementary level we will be giving them tools to weather any emotional storm that lay ahead of them.

By: Carol McGarrahan, Associate Editor, Carolina Parent

Smile and the world smiles back at you, the saying goes, and now a growing body of research supports the theory that positive attitudes and behaviors not only improve your sense of satisfaction with the world, but also have concrete and measurable effects on your health and well-being. And the good news: You don’t have to be a born optimist to reap these benefits.

Happiness traits are now known to be a scientifically identifiable set of skills that you can learn and, more importantly, teach your children. And isn’t that what most parents want for their children? For them to be happy and able to cope with life’s challenges?

Experts say anyone, young or old, can learn these skills, and they have compiled solid research about what makes happy people — happy. Even small changes in everyday life can have a huge impact. Something as simple as practicing gratitude each day in your family can increase your children’s happiness by 25 percent, according to studies by Robert Emmons, author of the book, Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier.

When sociologist Christine Carter became a mother, she grew interested in how she could create a home environment that encouraged “happiness habits” in herself and her children.

As a sociologist, I deeply believe that happiness is a set of social skills that we learn, and I wanted to go about learning those skills so I could know what they were and teach them to my own children,” explains Carter, who is the executive director of the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley

Not only can happiness be learned, it also can have profoundly positive effects on health by boosting your immune system, lowering blood pressure and reducing your risk of heart attack.
Laughter is good medicine because it generates positive emotions, notes a report in the 2004 Journal of Personality: “Examining the Benefits of Positive Emotions on Coping and Health,” which was co-authored by Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., Kenan Distinguished Professor of Psychology in the UNC College of Arts and Sciences. The article also notes self-reported improvements in immune system functioning in people with more positive habits. Fredrickson recently co-authored another study in the June issue of the journal Emotion that showed people who enjoy small moments of positive emotions throughout each day increase their resilience against challenges.

Read this entire article

This article explains perfectly the basis of the Kids Can Do Anything Character Education Programs.  To provide children with the knowledge that playing and laughter will not only provide physical benefits like a stronger immune system, but also increase one’s ability to cope with adversity and build solid interpersonal relationships, will be a gift to them that will last a lifetime.  Giving kids the opportunity to mindfully experience gratitude and forgiveness instantly boosts their level of emotional intelligence, in addition to multiple other benefits like help them build their self-confidence, empathy and self-esteem.

“Whether you are coping with a major loss or you are just fearful that one will come your way, there is no time better than the holidays to ponder the aspects of your life for which you are grateful. When we truly feel gratitude throughout our entire being, the world looks a little brighter and things tend to turn in our favor.”

Read this full article

I like to post on my blog not just my own articles but links to others that I feel provide useful information and tools to promote more happiness in your child’s life and yours, and this article does just that.  Using character education lessons to help your child develop personal values and moral virtues, along with using hands-on daily and weekly activities like doing a gratitude journal with your child will allow you to experience together the lifelong benefits of social and emotional intelligence.

The article I opened this post with deals with a powerful tool that has been proven in long term scientific studies to, without a shadow of doubt, carry benefits that are beyond most people’s ability to believe and to implement into their daily routine.  A lot of people need to see it to believe it, but the truth is we must believe it to see it.  Kids can believe very easily and when they really start to see and feel the effects it is magical to watch as a parent and as speaker to kids.

As adults many of us seem to have been almost programmed to be skeptical about the intense power of our mind and to focus our thoughts toward that which we do not want to happen as well as things we do not have,and in a way we have been.  We have been told “life is hard” and most of us have experienced that first hand so that belief became so real and deeply ingrained, well, you get it, we get what we believe we will get and focus our thought energy upon.  Sure this may sound all self-helpy and personal growthish, but I was sold not only when I studied the real hard science but also when I experienced the effects for myself.  More importantly for me is that I have helped my sons develop the habit of grateful thinking and keeping a gratitude journal, and they too are experiencing the benefits.

Many parents are programming their kids based upon their own dis-empowering, life-limiting and pessimistic beliefs.  This fact is in the research as well, but its in the headlines too and the evidence of deep sadness among our children is to me more than sad.   I really have made it my life’s mission to yell from the rooftops IT ONLY TAKES A FEW MINUTES A DAY TO CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE FUTURE AND BRIGHTEN YOUR CHILD’S MORE THAN YOU MAY IMAGINE!

Granted, its not easy!  I know, it was not easy, but it got easier and easier every single day and its now our (me and my kids) routine every day.  Scheduling myself to journal was not the hardest part, and go figure its the hardest part that has the most profound effect.  It was truly and fully with all my being FEEL the FEELING of a grateful thought.  You know the feeling when you can’t help but smile because of a very happy thought?   That is the feeling I was striving for and this too became easier and easier to do for both me and my boys.

Thanks so much for reading my blog and remember to forward the link to my website to every parent you know so they can download their FREE copy of The Ultimate Kid’s Guide to Happiness for their kid’s too.

“When you’re in the universe, you’re going to encounter a number of people and situations. However, it’s how you react to these situations that will determine the course of your life and the length of the path to your dreams.”

You can read the entire article here.

These are not only lessons for adults to build character and Resilience to the circumstances of life, but these are extremely valuable lessons to teach our children.  We do learn and grow from experiencing life, but to have an “emotional tool kit” to help deal productively with adversity and negativity is a gift that will last our children a life time.  Share these articles with your children and practice their messages along with your kids and support each other in choosing to live a happier life together.  Character Education is talked about as being so desperately needed by our youth but so little is being done to give them these tools that will change the course of their lives.  As parents and educators we need to first lead by example by taking seriously our own happiness and learn about Character Education for ourselves.

“A Kansas State University professor’s research is showing a gap between the character traits that business students say make a good executive and the traits they describe having themselves.

….

Wright suggests that there is a significant moral decline in higher education, including in schools of business. He said it is critical for students to learn about the importance of character and ethical behavior before entering the workplace.”

See original story here

Professor Wright’s research, in my opinion makes sense and I agree entirely about the critical need for character education in school and at home.  Given the disturbing and ongoing increase in the rate of clinical depression diagnosed in children, kids are growing up with very little confidence in themselves, and other research shows they have even less confidence and hope for their future.  Character strength and emotional intelligence are crucial to workplace success and by providing children with that education and opportunities to put that education into action, and to instill these lessons during the window of opportunity in childhood is paramount.

An Exercise in Happiness is a character education program for kids between 3rd and 5th grade.

Hi this is Patrick with Kidscandoanything.com and I want to welcome you to the third in our ongoing series of short video articles that we’ve put together to give you some short tips and tools as to how to instill emotional intelligence into your children.

Well, today’s article is all about the life-long benefits that your children receive from instilling in them the trait of optimism and into yourself, especially now during the economic climate that our country is in.   There is a lot of things in the media, a lot of reasons to look at things pessimistically in terms of our economic future or your family’s economic future, well your children pick up on that very, very quickly and they start to develop beliefs.

Last week’s video article was all about how and when we develop our beliefs and the effects that that can have.  Well, our children are in the midst of developing those beliefs and by surrounding by such pessimistic things, it’s very likely they will pick up on a very pessimistic outlook on their own future.

So it’s critically important to help your children develop the trait of optimism.  Dr. Martin Sullivan from the University of Pennsylvania who has been studying the traits of optimism and pessimism for years has determined that optimism and pessimism are learned traits, so it is absolutely possible to change a pessimistic outlook into an optimistic outlook and having faith and hope in your future and of course, your children will do the same.

In fact, Dr. Sullivan also talks about the fact that the trait of optimism is a buffer against anxiety and depression and now, pessimism is clinically linked to anxiety and depression, so by developing optimism, you develop a buffer for your children.  The interesting thing too is that these traits are the most heritable that we pass on to our kids without even knowing it.  For example, when we talk to our spouse, how we explain our bad day really can be looked at either in an optimistic way or a pessimistic way.

Optimistic people look at bad things that happen in a temporary way that this is something that doesn’t usually happen to them, it’s a fluke that this bad thing happened.  They also look at it in a way that won’t affect any other aspect of their life that it’s specific to that situation and they also look at it in an impersonal way and that somebody else probably had something to do with it.

Whereas a pessimist would look at a bad thing happening and explain a bad thing happening as permanence.  This bad thing always happens to me, that it affects all other aspects of their life.  They’re just no good at anything and that this bad thing had everything to do with who they are.  They made it happen.

So again, because the benefits of developing optimism are so great, optimists have been proven in research to be more successful in school and in work and in athletics that they have improved health and they live longer.  They have longer and more meaningful relationships, and of course they have a much less likelihood of developing clinical depression.

So, again, it’s very, very important to look at how you explain things that happen in your life and help your children develop an optimistic way of looking at things that happen in their life because the three big reasons of the ways that we develop optimism in our children is number one is parental affection and showing some affection to your children, giving them that sense of security makes them feel that the world is a good place.  The second is allowing them to experience mistakes and failures and to experience different challenges.  The third is modeling and how we explain things that happen in our life and how we give feedback to our children about things that happen in theirs.  So doing so in an optimistic way, we’ll start to instill that in your kids.

Thanks again for watching number three of our ongoing series and next week’s video will be all about the power of written goal setting and the actual science behind goal setting.

Again, this is Patrick McMillan and thanks again for watching.  Don’t forget to check out my character education materials on the rest of the site.

Hello, I’m Patrick McMillan with Kidscandoanything.com and I want to thank you for being here for our second in our ongoing series of short video articles designed to help you instill emotional intelligence in your kids.

Well, last week’s article was about gratitude and how to instill an attitude of gratitude in your kids and I hope that by doing so will provide them benefits that will last them the rest of their life.

Today’s article is about beliefs.  How we develop beliefs and how we can change them.

Beliefs will dictate what we do in our life.  Beliefs will also dictate what we won’t do in our life and experts agree that many of the self-limiting beliefs and disempowering beliefs that we have as adults were developed prior to the age of six.  Most of us can probably identify with developing of belief when were little that we still have today.  In fact, one of the most common fears that adults say they have is to speak in front of groups and that or another common belief is what I have to say isn’t important or people don’t listen to me.

Well, I remember in first grade being asked to come to the front of the class and share what I brought for show and tell and I vividly remember kids not listening or even laughing and thinking to myself, people really don’t care what I have to say and I mean, what I have to say isn’t important and that feeling of embarrassment and not wanting to speak in front of people anymore, in front of groups of people and until I was able to identify that belief and identify where it came from, and that it was an untrue belief, I was able to overcome it.

Now children will believe and we all will believe what we say and what we tell ourselves repeatedly, we will believe it.  Whether it’s true or whether it’s untrue.  Now, it’s very important to help a child instill empowering beliefs because right now, they’re in the process of developing self-limiting and disempowering beliefs that will last them a lifetime and certainly, come up to stop them.

So as an adult, what we can do to help our children is when we talk to them, when we can hear them explain things that happen, if you can detect a negative belief either about themselves or about other people or about the world around them, help them to dispel that belief especially if it’s a belief about themselves.

We actually have a tendency as adults to validate some of the negative beliefs that they already have.  For example, if you’re a parent, you can probably attest to the fact that our children want our attention and they seem to want our attention even more when we’re on the phone.  I know I’m guilty of it, and I’m sure many of you are as well that when your child comes up to you and wants to tell you something when you’re on the phone, you cover the receiver and you tell them, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?  I asked you not to interrupt me when I’m on the phone.”  Well, a small child can easily develop the belief that mom or dad don’t really care about what I have to say, what I have to say isn’t important and that’s a belief that will get ingrained into their subconscious mind and come up to stop them later in life.

Another big belief that is a big stopper from going for challenges and going for your dreams is that mistakes and failures are bad.  As children, we make mistakes.  We spill things, we make messes and we get in trouble for it and definitely, that will instill a belief that making mistakes and experiencing failure is a bad thing and we’ll certainly come up to stop them from accepting challenges.

So anytime you have an interaction with a child, always ask yourself this question, what belief may have they developed because of what I just said and if you think to yourself for a moment and if you find that belief may be negative or self-limiting, correct it immediately because it will affect the rest of their life.  Their subconscious mind will always believe whatever we tell it.  A child’s mind works the same way and those beliefs will definitely come up to stop them.

So, thank you again for watching our second in our series of video articles with Kids can do anything.  These videos are also brought to you by Backbone Communications.

Again, Patrick McMillan saying thank you and don’t forget to check out my character education program.