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If you take a moment to think about the successful people you know, they are generally self-aware, know how to manage themselves and how to understand and work well with others. Social skills are required to succeed in friendships, school life, community life and eventually working life, so it follows that to be successful in life personally and professionally requires social skills.

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The research that has been conducted over the past 15 years since Daniel Goleman’s groundbreaking book, Emotional Intelligence, hit the book shelves in 1995 has been truly remarkable in its own right.

“A report from the Institute for Public Policy Research (IPPR) found that “personal and social skills – like self control, communication, self confidence and organisation – became 33 times more important” in determining someone’s future earnings.” (The Guardian 6.11.06)

Another study showed that children that have been exposed to character education and SEL (social and emotional learning) do in fact experience greater academic achievement than children who have not.

PLAY

Another major factor in the development of social and emotional skill is a child’s ability and opportunity to PLAY.

Edward M. Hollowell, M.D. author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness (Ballantine Books copyright 2002) describes play as “a child’s most important work” and defines play as ” interacting spontaneously and creatively with your environment”

Dr. Hollowell says “the skill of play, of being able to make creative use of time no matter where you are or what you are doing, is the skill that lies behind all discoveries, all advances and all creative activity.  If you can play, you will always have a chance to be happy and do something great.”

At school, the most valuable learning experience for a child does not necessarily occur in math or science class, but rather on the PLAYground at recess.

Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi (Me-hile Cheeks-sent-me-high) author of Finding Flow (Basic Books copyright 1997) speaks of flow as being involved in an activity where you are in a emotionless state of intense focus and concentrated action. You forget who you are, where you are and what time it is. You become one with the activity you are doing.

When children are at play they naturally enter a state of flow and as a parent all we need to do is encourage those types of activities as much as possible.   Nintendo, playstaion and xbox do NOT promote the state of flow in a child so it may be wise to set up barriers between your child and the television.   According to Csikszentmihalyi “in order to learn flow, children should turn off the television and turn on their minds”

“A teenager who feels happy doing nothing is unlikely to grow into a happy adult”

Dr. Holloway says ” play is the childhood version of flow”

Model play for your children.  Let them see that you are still capable of having playful fun, even if it means goofing off and being silly.  They will love it and they will see that play really is important.  The fact that you haven’t forgotten how to play means they likely wont either.