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Learning how to apologize is a vital skill for healthy emotional development and for successful relationships.  There will inevitably be hurts, wrongdoings, and misunderstandings in any relationship involving two people.  The hurts are to be expected because humans by nature are imperfect. The hurts in and of themselves don’t necessarily determine whether or not a relationship is harmed in a significant way, but how those hurts are dealt with (or not) and repaired (or not) influences the success of the relationship.

Most of us want our children to learn how to apologize effectively.  But when and how we should expect our children to apologize isn’t always clear.  For a better understanding of this, I first turn to what constitutes a proper apology.  Last year my book club read The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.  My favorite part of that book was where Pausch described the three parts of a good apology.  In fact, I liked this part so much that I made sure everyone in my family read those two pages of the book!

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In this enlightening article Dr. Kathleen Cuneo, PhD. talks about the importance of learning to apologize and how modeling the ability to apologize with meaning to our child will enable them to do the same giving them social and emotional tools that will provide many benefits that will last a lifetime.

As a father of two young boys it is important to me that when I mess up, I recognize it, I apologize with heartfelt feeling and make up for my mistake in some way.  By showing my children that I take responsibility for my behavior, they learn to do the same.

The same holds true for the ability to forgive and be grateful.  When one of my boys apologizes for their behavior, I am always willing to forgive them.  I also let them know that if I seem upset or disappointed, it is their behavior, not themselves that got me upset. Having the ability to forgive allows us to maintain meaningful relationships and releases emotional stress, which we all know has huge physical benefits.

I am truly grateful when my kids bring there dishes to the kitchen after meals or when they straighten up their room when I ask them, and I always let them know how grateful I am.

An Exercise in Happiness is a tool I have used at home with my kids for a long time and it has helped both myself and my kids devlop the ability to apologize with meaning, forgive with empathy and to be grateful for everything and everyone we have in our life.